I'm not sure what exactly is wrong.
Something is off.
Things are not going well.
Events keep taking place that seem to scream "You are defeated! You will never win."
I watch my husband work his tail off every day. For 10 or more days at a time.
No days off to re-group.
He still makes it to church.
He meets all his duties.
He's even happy and upbeat when he comes home.
We are doing all the things we are supposed to be doing.
We have stepped it up, trying our hardest to be what we should be.
Yet it seems like one thing after another just keep hitting us from behind.
Actually, more like grabbing us from behind.
And not letting go.
We can't move forward with anything.
Everything's holding us in place.
Trevor.
And me.
Our family.
We're stuck.
He can't start school because of this.
He can't get a better job because of that.
Something bad that happened a year ago
Caused a worse incident this year.
That basically traumatized me.
And our kids.
We can't pay our bills because of all of it.
It's an odd thing to feel like you're pushing on as hard as you can
Yet not actually be moving in any direction.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful.
At least we HAVE a job.
And a house.
And family to help take care of us.
But at some point, you just want to be able to do it yourself.
Take care of your own problems without bothering anybody.
And it becomes frustrating when you can't.
And devastating when you realize you may not ever be able to.
Musings from our quaint and quiet little life.
5 comments:
Ok. Ive been feeling as if I should call yoy for about a week now. I'm so sorry that I didn't act on that. I wil call you tomorrow. Hang in there.
Sometimes we get that stuck feeling too. I'm supposed to be done with grad school by now. I haven't even started. Adam hates his job. At least he has one, but he wants to go to grad school too. It's rough. Luckily we haven't really ahd to rely on family at all, but I know we will eventually. We sometimes worry we'll be stuck like this forever, with no progression or feelings of real success. But I know that this is just a time in everybody's lives where stuff is hard. Really hard. And even though they don't always admit it on their blogs, most the people our age are struggling in some way. We just have to work hard and trust that one day we will have "made it".
Have you ever heard the analogy about about the carrot and the egg? We need to talk. I think it might help.
Have you ever read Believing Christ? It's an awesome book for anyone who is feeling defeated. I totally know how you feel. Stuck is a painful place to be. Hang in there, keep doing what you're doing, and you will be blessed. I promise.
I love you! It doesn't make it better, but maybe it helps to know that there are others out there far away praying and wishing for you.
Give new baby a cuddle!
Post a Comment